Etiquette for young ladies at Cambridge

Found - this scarce pamphlet: Say "Thank you" : a manual of university etiquette for young ladies. It is known to be by Jean Olivia Lindsay and is light-hearted in tone. Jean Lindsay was at Girton in the 1930s and published several books on Spanish and Scottish history. The text of this book has (so far) been unavailable. Google Books note the existence of the book but have no text. Although she is very down on jeans and corduroys ('deplorable') the work is quite modern in tone, at one point she suggests you could meet men by joining a religious club 'but there the young men are apt to have very honourable intentions...' There is also a lot of practical advice, some of which probably still holds, like 'It is more important to be polite to gyps and bedders than to the Bursar or Senior Tutor.'

A MANUAL OF UNIVERSITY ETIQUETTE FOR YOUNG LADIES

FOREWORD

Almost certainly no bluestocking would ever worry whether her behaviour was ladylike or not, so a book of University etiquette for young ladies may appear to be so much wasted effort. However, as the great majority of young women who come up to the University every autumn would hotly repudiate the title of bluestocking, some of them may find these notes useful. Some dyed-in-the-wool donnish bluestockings may even find them amusing.

CLOTHES

The most essential garment to bring to Cambridge is a Pair of pyjamas. Undergraduate life is not a round of dissipated cocktail parties, but many parties in the first term begin at 9.30 or 10 p.m., and consist of hair-drying sessions which go on over cups of cocoa till long after midnight. If the fresher is not to fall into bed fully clothed and lose the habit of regular baths it is wise to bath first and attend the party in pyjamas and dressing gown. Cambridge corridors are cold and staircases precipitous and badly lighted, so elegant crepe de chine pyjamas and high-heeled mules trimmed with feathers are not advisable.

The next essential is a cocktail frock. It is advisable to learn how to iron all kinds of exotic materials; it is essential to know how they can be cleaned to remove stains of sherry, coffee, cider cup and ice cream.

One long ball frock is needed unexpectedly soon in the career of all young women with College awards, for in the first term there is a ceremony known as the Admission of Scholars at which Scholars wear full evening dress. Even pensioners, who are exempt from the Admission ceremony, need a ball frock because women's Colleges at Cambridge celebrate May Week just before Christmas.

Cambridge is cold. Most engagements have to be reached after a brisk ride on a bicycle through rain and a high wind. Warm underclothes are essential.

Manners in the Drawing Room -- some 'don'ts'

From an undated but late Victorian self-help / etiquette book called Don't: A Manual of Mistakes and Improprieties more or less prevalent in Conduct & Speech (Ward, Lock, London circa 1890). The author is noted as 'Censor' - now known to be Oliver Bell Bunce. Much of the advice still holds, e.g. about reading a book in company...in 2014 it  would be about perusing a smartphone.

DON'T repeat old jokes or tell time-worn stories. DON'T make obvious puns. An occasional pun, if a good one, is a good thing; but a ceaseless flow of puns is simply maddening.

DON'T be always on the look out for opportunities of making jokes. For a man, to be constantly straining after witticism is to render himself ridiculous, and to annoy the whole company.

DON'T, if you think you are a clever mimic - and many persons entertain that idea with more or less basis of fact - be very ready to exhibit your powers in society. Few persons like to have their peculiarities noticed; and it is almost certain that some officious, and well-intentioned friend, will let B know that A gave an admirable (or execrable) imitation of him at Mr. So-and So's dinner party.

DON'T respond to remarks made to you with mere monosyllables. This is chilling, if not fairly insulting. Have something to say, and say it.

DON'T appear listless and indifferent, or exhibit impatience when others are talking. Listening politely to every one is a cardinal necessity of good breeding.

DON'T be conceited. DON'T dilate on your own acquirements or achievements; DON'T expatiate on what you have done or are going to do, or on your superior talents in anything. DON'T always make yourself the hero of your own stories.

DON'T if you have travelled, be continually talking about what foreign places you have seen, or the adventures you may have met with; and DON'T consider the people of foreign places to be necessarily inferior to your own countrymen, because their national habits are different.

DON'T be sulky because you imagine yourself neglected. Think only of pleasing; and try to please. You will end by being pleased.

DON'T show repugnance even to a bore. A supreme test of politeness is submission to various social inflictions without a wince.

DON'T, when at the card-table, moisten your thumb and fingers at your lips in order to facilitate the dealing of the cards. This common habit is very vulgar.

More 'Don'ts' -- Conversation in the Drawing Room

From an undated but late Victorian self-help / etiquette book called Don't: A Manual of Mistakes and Improprieties more or less prevalent in Conduct & Speech (Ward, Lock, London circa 1900). The author is noted as 'Censor' and some of the advice still holds, e.g. bores, exaggeration etc., as for the 'scandals of the hour' - it would now be considered very dull NOT to be able to discuss them...more to follow.

DON'T talk over-loud, trying to monopolise the conversation.

DON'T talk to one person across another.

DON'T whisper in company. If what you have to say cannot be spoken aloud, reserve it for a suitable occasion.

DON'T talk about yourself or your affairs. If you wish to be popular, talk to people about what interests them, not what interests you.

DON'T talk in a social circle to one person of the company about matters that solely concern him and yourself, or which you and he alone understand.

DON'T talk about your maladies, or about your afflictions of any kind. Complaining people are pronounced on all hands great bores.

DON'T talk about people who are unknown to those present.

DON'T be witty at another's expense; DON'T ridicule anyone; DON'T infringe in any way the harmony of the company.

DON'T repeat the scandals and malicious rumours of the hour.

DON'T discuss equivocal people, nor broach topics of questionable propriety.

DON'T dwell on the beauty of women not present; on the splendour of other people's houses; on the success of other people's entertainments; on the superiority of anybody. Excessive praise of people or things elsewhere implies discontent with people or things present.

DON'T introduce religious or political topics.

Manners in Public -- some 'don'ts'

From an undated but late Victorian self-help / etiquette book called Don't: A Manual of Mistakes and Improprieties more or less prevalent in Conduct & Speech (Ward, Lock, London circa 1900). The author is noted as 'Censor' and some of the advice still holds, e.g. behaviour in an art gallery...

DON'T neglect to keep to the right of the walk, otherwise there may be collisions and much confusion.

DON'T brush against people, or elbow people, or in any way show disregard for others.

DON'T fail to apologize if you tread upon or stumble against any one, or if you inconvenience one in any way; be considerate and polite always. 

DON'T carry a cane or umbrella in a crowd sticking out horizontally before or behind you. This trick is a very annoying one to the victims of it.

DON'T eat fruit or anything else in the public streets. A gentleman on the promenade, engaged in munching an apple or a pear, presents a more amusing than edifying picture. 

DON'T stare at people, or laugh at any peculiarity of manner or dress. Don't point at persons or objects.


DON'T turn and look after people that have passed.  DON'T forget to be a gentleman. 
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DON'T spit on the sidewalk. Go to the curbstone and discharge the saliva into the gutter. Men who eject great streams of tobacco-juice on the sidewalks, or on the floors of public vehicles, ought to be driven out of civilized society. 

DON'T smoke in the streets, unless in unfrequented avenues.

DON'T smoke in public vehicles. DON'T smoke in any place where it is likely to be offensive.

Wherever you do indulge in a cigar, don't puff smoke into the face of any one, man or woman. 

DON'T obstruct the entrance to theatres, churches or assemblies. DON'T stand before hotels or other places and stare at passers-by. This is a most idle and insolent habit.

DON'T, when visiting a gallery...stand in front of any painting which appears to be attractive...DON'T affect artistic or technical knowledge. If you really posses it, DON'T obtrude it.