English translation howlers

From Funny or Die site (thanks)

From the Peter Haining Archive. These are taken from a collection compiled by Thomas Cook employees in Nottingham during the period 1987 – 95:

‘You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid ‘

Notice in Japanese hotel

‘Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar’

Announcement in Norwegian cocktail lounge.

‘The lift is being fixed. During that time we regret you will be unbearable’

Notice in a Bucharest hotel lobby.

‘The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid’

Notice in a Yugoslav hotel.

‘Our wines leave you with nothing to hope for ‘.

Swiss restaurant menu.

‘Ladies may have fit upstairs’

Outside a Hong Kong tailors

‘Special today—no ice cream’

Swiss mountain inn

‘Order your summer suit. Because of big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation’

In a Rhodes tailors.

‘We take your bag and send it in all directions’

Copenhagen airline ticket

‘Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists’

Hong Kong dentist 

[R.R.]